Pogadanka
Wiadomość do wszystkich Badaczy:
Proszę dołączać swoje nazwisko do wszystkich zapisów, razem z datą i łączną sumą "udoskonalonych" przedmiotów.
Badacze są odpowiedzialni za całość "Wyjścia". Jeżeli wystąpi przypadek uszkodzenia mienia bądź zdrowia, odpowiedzialni naukowcy staną się podmiotem kontroli administracyjnej i akcji dyscyplinarnych.
Badania biologiczne nad SCP-914 zostały zawieszone. Wszelkie testy nad materią biologiczną, muszą zostać zaakceptowane przez Radę O5.
Format Dziennika Testu:
Wszystkie dzienniki powinny być zapisywane w tym formacie.
Nazwisko:
Data:
Ilość i opis przedmiotów:
Wejście:
Ustawienie:
Wyjście:
Badanie 11828-U5: Badania mające na celu poznanie natury i konstrukcji SCP-914
Za zgodą Rady O5, pojedyncze koło zębate zostało usunięte z jednej z "zewnętrznych" sekcji SCP-914. Położenie zostało dokładnie zapisane, było to miejsce, w którym nie zmieniono napięcia żadnych pasów i nie uszkodzono żadnej sekcji. Obszar testowy oczyszczono i zapieczętowano po umieszczeniu bloku stali w Kabinie "Wejściowej". D-00104 został przydzielony do SCP-914 i poinstruowany do przekręcenia klucza i uruchomienia SCP-914.
D-00104 zgłosił, że "klucz nie chce zaskoczyć", zaobserwowano, że klucz obrócił się parokrotnie, jednak nie naciągnął sprężyny. Nie zaobserwowano w tym czasie żadnego rodzaju aktywności SCP-914.
Brakująca część została zastąpiona przez identyczną kopię, stworzoną z tego samego metalu (mosiądz) co oryginał. W Kabinie "Wejściowej" ponownie umieszczono blok stali, SCP-914 zostało uruchomione przy ustawieniu "1:1". Zaobserwowano normalną pracę SCP-914, z niewielką, 3,5 sekundową pauzą po nakręceniu klucza. Po "ulepszaniu", na wyjściu otrzymano solidną, stalową kulę o objętości równej objętości wejściowego bloku. Oryginalne koło zębate zostało ponownie zamontowane na SCP-914/
Notatki: Cóż, dzięki Bogu że przynajmniej jesteśmy w stanie naprawić to cholerstwo gdy je uszkodzimy… zakładając, że będziemy w stanie namierzyć zepsutą część. Cholera, może to już jest uszkodzone, nie wiem… ta przeklęta machina doprowadza mnie do bólu głowy…
Dr ██████████
Nazwisko: Dr Gears
Data: ██-██-20██
Ilość i opis przedmiotów: 4 zegarki kieszonkowe należące do doktora Gearsa
Wejście: 1 pozłacany zegarek kieszonkowy
Ustawienie: Precyzyjny
Wyjście: Mały mechaniczny ptaszek. Gdy naciśnie się jego ogon, śpiewa jak drozd.
Wejście: 1 pozłacany zegarek kieszonkowy
Ustawienie: Precyzyjny
Wyjście: Zabawkowy, mechaniczny silnik pociągu.
Wejście: 1 pozłacany zegarek kieszonkowy
Ustawienie: Precyzyjny
Wyjście: Miniaturowy, w pełni sprawny zegar stojący.
Wejście: 1 pozłacany zegarek kieszonkowy
Ustawienie: Precyzyjny
Wyjście: Mała, metalowa rzeźba przedstawiająca pianino.
Notka doktora Gears'a: Wygląda na to, że mamy do czynienia z ogromnym zakresem losowości kiedy SCP-914 "udoskonala" przedmiot. Jednakowoż, wydaje się zachowywać pewne elementy oryginalnej konstrukcji, w tym przypadku mechanizmy trybikowe. To nie jest zasada, to duża szansa. Przerób sztabkę metalu, to najprawdopodobniej dostaniesz prosty, metalowy przedmiot zamiast silnika spalinowego. Oba warianty są jednak możliwe.
Nazwisko: Dr Gears
Data: ██-██-████
Ilość i opis przedmiotów: Trzy (3) kopie pełnej dokumentacji, fotografii i dzienników badawczych związanych z SCP-914.
Wejście: Jedna (1) kopia dokumentacji SCP-914
Ustawienie: 1:1
Wyjście: Folder zawierający całą wprowadzoną dokumentację, ustawioną w porządku chronologicznym.
Wejście: Jedna (1) kopia dokumentacji SCP-914
Ustawienie: Precyzyjny
Wyjście: Licząca 400 stron książka w twardej oprawie. Brak diagramów, wykresów, zdjęć i innych wizualnych form prezentacji danych. Strony wydają się być całkowicie czarne, ale pod mikroskopem okazuje się, że każda pokryta jest przez około dwadzieścia tysięcy znaków. Tekst nie ma powiązania z żadnym znanym stylem pisma, nie jest również liniowy, ze "zdaniami" na które składają się pojedyncze znaki rozrzucone po różnych stronach. Każda sentencja wymaga niezwykle skomplikowanej formuły do rozszyfrowania, przy czym dla każdej wymagana jest unikatowa. (Notka: Obecne wysiłki w rozszyfrowaniu dostarczyły dwóch, częściowo przetłumaczonych zdań po 225 godzinach pracy. Przedmiot zdaje się być zapisem wewnętrznej struktury SCP-914)
Wejście: Jedna (1) kopia dokumentacji SCP-914
Ustawienie: Bardzo Precyzyjny
Wyjście: Pojedyncza karta papieru. Waży dokładnie tyle samo ile wprowadzona dokumentacja. Karta wydaje się być pojedynczą stroną wprowadzonej dokumentacji SCP-914, jednak, kiedy obrócona na drugą stronę "w prawo", ukazuje kolejną stronę z dokumentacji. Po obróceniu "w lewo", druga strona jest poprzednią stroną zgodnie z kolejnością wprowadzonej dokumentacji. Nie zawiera żadnej dodatkowej treści, ale przedmiot ten jest o wiele łatwiejszy do przechowywania, nawet jeśli wymaga więcej czasu do przeglądania.
(Wiadomość od Generała ████████: To sobie robi z nas jaja, wiecie o tym? Nie OBCHODZI mnie czy zostało udowodnione, że to nie jest świadome, to urządzenie ŚMIEJE się z nas!)
Notka doktora Gears'a: Wygląda na to, że ciężko określić znaczenie ustawień "Precyzyjny" i "Prosty"; maszyna zdaje się być w stanie przerabiać przedmioty w oparciu albo o poziom skomplikowania (utracie entropii towarzyszy wzrost połączeń między komponentami i/lub nabycie subiektywnego znaczenia) albo przez uproszczenie (rozdzielenie na podstawowe surowce i utrata znaczenia).
Nazwisko: Dr Grangan
Data: ██-██-████
Ilość i opis przedmiotów: Pięć (5) zwłok dorosłych mężczyzn
Wejście: Jedne (1) zwłoki
Ustawienie: Prymitywny
Wyjście: Stos ludzkich szczątków. Kończyny, organy i kości wyglądają na brutalnie oddzielone od siebie poprzez rozrywanie i wysoką temperaturę. Wynik opisywany jako "niepokojący"
Wejście: Jedne (1) zwłoki
Ustawienie: Prosty
Wyjście: Stos ludzkich szczątków. Organy i kości zostały usunięte za pomocą jakiegoś ostrego narzędzia. Skóra, układ nerwowy, pokarmowy i oddechowy zostały usunięte bez uszkadzania żadnych tkanek. Wynik zamrożony do dalszych badań.
Wejście: Jedne (1) zwłoki
Ustawienie: 1:1
Wyjście: Jedne zwłoki azjatyckiej kobiety. Oryginalne ciało należało do rasy kaukaskiej.
Wejście: Jedne (1) zwłoki
Ustawienie: Precyzyjny
Wyjście: Zwłoki zawierające SCP-008. Obiekt natychmiast spalono.
Wejście: Jedne (1) zwłoki
Ustawienie: Bardzo Precyzyjny
Wyjście: Zielona maź. Właściwości i struktura chemiczna identyczna z SCP-447-2.
Informacja: Z rozkazu O5-█, w SCP-914 zabronione jest testowanie zwłok, aby zminimalizować szansę kontaktu SCP-447-2 z martwym ciałem.
Nazwisko: Dr Ouros
Data: ██-██-20██
Ilość i opis przedmiotów: Jedna (1) tabletka SCP-500
Wejście: Jedna (1) tabletka
Ustawienie: Precyzyjny
Wyjście: Jeden (1) rzeźbiony, metalowy medalion, obecnie oznaczony SCP-427
Nazwisko: Dr Zemyla Cenh
Data: ██-██-20██
Ilość i opis przedmiotów: Dwa (2) identyczne, wisiorki z drewnianym krzyżem, 7,6 [cm] (3 cale) długości
Wejście: Jeden krzyżyk
Ustawienie: Prymitywny
Wyjście: Jeden fragment drewna o tej samej masie, ścięty z trzech stron. Może stanowić fragment większego krzyża.
Wejście: Jeden krzyżyk
Ustawienie: Precyzyjny
Wyjście: Jeden drewniany krucyfiks z misternie wyrzeźbionym wizerunkiem Jezusa Chrystusa.
Notatka doktor Cenh: To może sugerować, że SCP-914 rozumie pojęcie religii. Wymagane będzie przeprowadzenie większej ilości eksperymentów z użyciem przedmiotów związanych z religią.
Test ten może wskazywać na to, że SCP-914 rozumie w jakim celu używane są przedmioty które otrzymuje, a nie tylko ich zwyczajne funkcje. Zalecam eksperymenty z lekami powiązanymi z efektem placebo aby ustalić, czy produkty wyjściowe będą zapewniać rzeczywiste medyczne rozwiązanie problemów. - Dr Pyrrhus
Nazwisko: Dr Gibbons
Data: ██-██-████
Ilość i opis przedmiotów: Trzysta dolarów amerykańskich [USD]. Sto dolarów będzie użyte w każdym z trzech testów.
Wejście: Sto dolarów amerykańskich
Ustawienie: Prosty
Wyjście: Kałuża atramentu i kupka bawełny i tworzyw sztucznych o wadze mniej więcej takiej, jak oryginalne pieniądze.
Wejście: Sto dolarów amerykańskich
Ustawienie: 1:1
Wyjście: Siedemdziesiąt pięć Euro.
Wejście: Sto dolarów amerykańskich
Ustawienie: Precyzyjny
Wyjście: Akcje giełdowe firmy "Soap from Corpses Products" (pol. "Mydła z ciał"), warte sto dolarów amerykańskich. Nie jest wiadome, czy SCP-914 wybrało jedną z frontowych firm-przykrywek Fundacji z powodu kaprysu, czy miało swoje kryteria.
Aktualizacja: Do ██-██-████, akcje "Soap from Corpses Products" gwałtownie skoczyły w górę, tak że wspominany wynik ustawienia "Precyzyjny" jest wart teraz $████ [USD]. Ustalenie, czy SCP-914 "wybrało" tą firmę, ponieważ "wiedziało" co się stanie, czy też było to zwykłe szczęście jest obecnie obiektem badań.
Nazwisko: Dr █████
Data: ██-██-20██
Ilość i opis przedmiotów: Pięć replik płytek Pioneera 10 i 11.
Wejście: 1 płytka na każde ustawienie
Ustawienie: Prymitywny
Wyjście: Wiele sześcianów z brązu, dwie kule z brązu
Ustawienie: Prosty
Wyjście: 105 gramów rudy miedzi i 15 gram rudy cyny
Ustawienie: 1:1
Wyjście: Kilka płyt CD. Badanie wykazało, że zawierają te same dane co "Voyager Golden Record"
Ustawienie: Bardzo Precyzyjny
Wyjście: 15 centymetrowy żyroskop z brązu. Igła w środku cały czas wskazuje w jednym kierunku; badania potwierdziły, że w każdym położeniu żyroskopu, igła wskazuje w kierunku naszego Słońca.
Nazwisko: Dr ███████
Data: ██-██-20██
Ilość i opis przedmiotów: 5 funtów surowej, mielonej wołowiny
Wejście: 1 funt surowej, mielonej wołowiny
Ustawienie: Prymitywny
Wyjście: 1 funt wołowej papki.
Wejście: 1 funt surowej, mielonej wołowiny
Ustawienie: Precyzyjny
Wyjście: 1 funtowy, średnio wysmażony stek wołowy.
Wejście: 1 funt surowej, mielonej wołowiny
Ustawienie: Precyzyjny
Wyjście: 1 funtowy stos suszonej wołowiny .
Wejście: 1 funt surowej, mielonej wołowiny
Ustawienie: Bardzo Precyzyjny
Wyjście: dwa półfuntowe steki z łaty (fragment półtuszy), dobrze wysmażone, polane sosem własnym.
Wejście: 1 funt surowej, mielonej wołowiny
Ustawienie: Bardzo Precyzyjny
Wyjście: [WYMAZANO] Obiekt poddany terminacji bez strat własnych.
Nazwisko: Dr █████
Data: ██-██-20██
Ilość i opis przedmiotów: 5 formularzy IRS 1040 (pustych)
Wejście: 1 formularz IRS 1040 (pusty)
Ustawienie: Prymitywny
Wyjście: Kilkaset cienkich, papierowych pasków.
Wejście: 1 formularz IRS 1040 (pusty)
Ustawienie: Prosty
Wyjście: 1 kawałek drewna, zmoczony przez silne pachnącą ciecz. Badania wykazały, że ciecz złożona jest z różnych środków chemicznych wykorzystywanych w procesie tworzenia papieru.
Wejście: 1 formularz IRS 1040 (pusty)
Ustawienie: 1:1
Wyjście: 1 formularz IRS 4868 (pusty)
Wejście: 1 formularz IRS 1040 (pusty)
Ustawienie: Precyzyjny
Wyjście: 1 formularz IRS 1040, na którym wszystkie wolne miejsca, włączając marginesy i drugie strony kartek, są pokryte złorzeczeniami na IRS i podatki w ogóle w następujących językach [w kolejności ilości przypadającego tekstu, od największej do najmniejszej]: Język Basków, Quenya [patrz niżej], sumeryjski, Cherokee, niezidentyfikowany język z alfabetem składającym się z rytych symboli, klasyczny chiński, angielski (po przekleństwach zidentyfikowany na używany około 1650 do 1750). Po długich badaniach niezidentyfikowanych symboli, dr █████ nie był wstanie odnaleźć podobieństwa między nimi, a innymi językami występującymi na formularzu. Sumeryjski zawierał trzy słowa niewystępujące w żadnym innym znanym tekście. Quenya zawierała obelgi na IRS przeplatane z przekleństwami kierowanymi w kierunku kogoś, lub czegoś zwanego "Morgoth".
Wejście: 1 formularz IRS 1040 (pusty)
Ustawienie: Bardzo Precyzyjny
Wyjście: 1 formularz IRS "MXL", wypełniony dla roku 35 n.e. z imieniem podanym jako "GAIVS IVLIVS CAESAR AVGVSTVS GERMANICVS" i wszystkimi wartościami liczbowymi napisanymi z użyciem liczb rzymskich i dodanym po nich słowem "DENARII".
Nazwisko: Dr Clopine
Data: 15-08-2009
Ilość i opis przedmiotów: Pięć (5) kopii Mona Lisy, wydrukowanych przez HP Photosmart 3310 All-IN-One na papierze fotograficznym 11 x 8,5" (cala)
Ustawienie: Prymitywny
Wyjście: Jeden stos rozdrobnionego papieru fotograficznego, kilka kałuży atramentu
Ustawienie: Prosty
Wyjście: Jeden arkusz plastiku, 8,5 x 11", jeden arkusz papieru 8,5 x 11", kilka kałuży atramentu
Ustawienie: 1:1
Wyjście: Jedna kopia Człowieka witruwiańskiego, 8,5 x 11"
Ustawienie: Precyzyjny
Wyjście: Jedna kopia Mona Lisy, farba na płótnie, 8,5 x 11". Badania ujawniły, że barwnik to farba olejna wytworzona z użyciem dzisiejszych technologii
Ustawienie: Bardzo Precyzyjny
Wyjście: Jedna kopia Mona Lisy, namalowana na drewnianym panelu, 7 x 10", topola. Badania wykazały, że barwnik to farby olejne wytworzone z wosku pszczelego, prażonych kości (kalcynacja), szkła i pigmentów mineralnych, z zaznaczeniem, że pigmenty były mielone ręcznie. Dalsze badania datują obraz na wczesny XVI wiek. Obiekt wisi aktualnie na ścianie biura doktora Clopine'a.
Nazwisko: Profesor "Q"
Data: ██-██-20██
Ilość i opis przedmiotów: Jedna (1) szachownica, początkowe ustawienie pionów
Ustawienie: 1:1
Wyjście: Jedna (1) szachownica, pion białego króla przesunął się o dwa pola w przód.
Wejście: Szachownica z poprzedniego testu, z czarnym pionem przesuniętym na dozwoloną pozycję.
Ustawienie: 1:1
Wyjście: Jedna (1) szachownica, jak wcześniej, z białą królową przesuniętą po skosie na dozwoloną pozycję.
Profesor "Q": Tak, grywałem w szachy z 914. Tak, zdaję sobie sprawę, że prawdopodobnie nie jest świadome, ale to raczej nie wyjaśnia, dlaczego wygrywa.
Name: Dr. Curtis
Date: 2/7/17
Total items: One pound of █████ brand bacon, fully cooked, and one photograph of SCP-682
Input: As listed above.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One miniature replica of SCP-682, approximately five inches tall at the shoulder, made entirely out of cooked █████ brand bacon and photo paper. Object is fully animate and extremely hostile toward all life forms. It escaped containment, attempting to kill all staff present. It was unable to inflict any damage due to its small size and the materials used in its composition. Entity made a “sizzling” sound as it moved that several staff described as “pleasing to the ears.” Classification of entity as SCP-682-BAC denied.
Note: Very funny, Dr. Curtis. You are suspended from testing SCP-914 until further notice. Though I have to admit, it smelled delicious. -Dr. Gears
Name: Technician Lantern
Date: 2/7/17
Total Items: Four (4) kilograms worth of quartz crystals, with a ratio of 15-60 mm in length.
Note: Relax, this time I'm paying for it. By the way, why does the room smell like bacon? -Technician Lantern
Input: One (1) kg of aforementioned quartz
Setting: Fine
Output: A large quartz tuning fork. Once tapped lightly against the wall of the testing chamber, [DATA EXPUNGED], with a side effect of temporary hearing loss.
Note: Mhm, that fits my hypothesis. Let's try again. -Technician Lantern
Input: One (1) kg of aforementioned quartz
Setting: Fine
Output: A swarm of crystalline hornets. Behaved as normal hornets would, but were significantly more durable due to composition. The swarm swiftly targeted Tech. Lantern, but were subdued before significant harm could be done.
Note: I hate it when I'm right. Screw it, the rest goes in the next batch. -Technician Lantern
Input: Two (2) kg of aforementioned quartz
Setting: Fine
Output: A ring of polished quartz 18 cm in diameter, levitating off of the ground. Object emitted a continuous ringing, and produced light.
Audio picked up from testing chamber after all objects were removed: "Are you trying to give me away, you idiotic machine?! Father above, I'm sorry for whatever I did, just stop trying to get me fired!"
Name: Dr. Veritas
Date: 2/7/2017
Total Items: Five (5) identical notes (written and copied by Dr. Veritas) reading: 'Are you sentient?'
Input: One note
Setting: Coarse
Output: A puddle of ink and a small pile of wood pulp.
Input: One note
Setting: 1:1
Output: One note of similar size reading: 'Are you capable of feeling, perceiving and experiencing subjectively?' Handwriting does not match Dr. Veritas.
Input: One note
Setting: Fine
Output: One note of similar size containing an excerpt from the 1641 treatise 'Meditation on First Philosophy' by René Descartes in Latin. Note reads: 'Ego sum, ego existo, quoties a me profertur, vel mente concipitur, necessario esse verum.' (English: 'I am, I exist, whenever it is uttered from me, or conceived by the mind, necessarily is true.').
Input: One note.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One note of similar size containing an excerpt from the essay 'An Essay Concerning Human Understanding' by Philosopher John Locke reading:
'This Source of Ideas, every Man has wholly in himself … And though it be not Sense, as having nothing to do with external Objects; yet it is very like it, and might properly enough be called internal Sense.'
Note: The goal of this test was communicating with SCP-914 and discovering if it's self-aware. Let's…write that one up as 'inconclusive'. ~ Dr. Veritas.
Name: Dr. Kenneth
Date: 2/8/2017
Total Items: One (1) standard disposable camera
Input: Item mentioned above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An unbranded camera capable of viewing any wavelength of light (X-ray, ultraviolet, microwave etc.).
Note: This will be useful. - Dr. Kenneth
Name: Dr. Kowalski
Date: 2/9/2017
Total Items: Three (3) copies of the February 9, 2017, edition of The New York Times
Input: One (1) item mentioned above
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) copy of the February 9, 2017, edition of the Cleveland, Ohio Plain Dealer. Cross-checking with another copy of this issue reveals the contents are identical.
Input: One (1) item mentioned above
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) copy of the February 9, 2017, edition of The New York Times. Cross-checking with another copy of the issue reveals numerous differences in the text. These mainly consist of the correction of factual errors, as well as the markup of stylistic errors in a manner resembling that of a red pen.
Note: The film critic's column completely contradicts the original. – Dr. Kowalski
Input: One (1) item mentioned above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) copy of the February 10, 2017 edition of The New York Times. Cursory examination of the result reveals large blank sections; the final four pages are completely devoid of any content. Contents of text and advertisements are in constant flux: articles about contemporaneous events appear and are revised only after the relevant events occur.
Note: Seems like we're seeing the draft take shape on the actual newsprint. Interesting. – Dr. Kowalski
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 2/15/2017
Total Items: Five (5) complete decks of Tarot cards.
Input: One (1) complete deck of Tarot cards
Setting: Coarse
Output: A fine dust containing particles of wood and plastic.
Input: One (1) complete deck of Tarot cards
Setting: Rough
Output: A loose pile of ink-stained cards.
Input: One (1) complete deck of Tarot cards
Setting: 1:1
Output: A complete deck of Tarot cards, shuffled.
Input: One (1) complete deck of Tarot cards
Setting: Fine
Output: A deck of Tarot cards with three drawn out and placed in a row in front of it: an upside-down King of Cups, an upside-down III - The Empress, and a right-side-up Two of Cups.
Input: One (1) complete deck of Tarot cards
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An orbicular device resembling a "Magic 8-Ball,” composed entirely of wood and plastic. The device accurately and consistently answered simple questions. Stored securely for future testing.
Note: I asked it if I would have any girlfriends for the next two years. The answer is more depressing than I thought. -Dr. Wittig
Input: One (1) Tarot card, removed from one of the previous decks
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small business card with the words "Doctor Hadian will win the Lottery tonight" printed neatly on it.
Note: That last one didn't come true. Figures. -Dr. Hadian
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 18/3/17
Total Items: Three (3) homemade "stress balls" made from balloons and rice grains.
Input: One (1) of the above-mentioned "stress balls"
Setting: 1:1
Output: A small bean bag, similar to that used by professional jugglers.
Input: One (1) of the above-mentioned "stress balls"
Setting: Fine
Output: An unaltered stress ball. A stress ball that, at random intervals between a minute and five minutes in length, hurls itself at the face of the person in closest proximity to it. If the face is covered or otherwise protected, it will alternatively aim for the stomach or crotch. Object secured and destroyed.
Note: I'm guessing it took the idea of a "stress" ball very literally. Ouch. -Dr. Hadian
Input: One (1) of the above-mentioned "stress balls"
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A palm-sized teddy bear, stuffed with plastic beads. The object is animate and seems to have a fascination with cuddling/nuzzling ankles and infrequently requests signs of affection. Object contained for further study.
Notes: And whoever decides to look into this farther… be nice to the little guy, all right? -Dr. Hadian
Notes (2): We're all thinking it and I'll be the one to say it. This is eerily similar to SCP-1048. Requesting it be fitted with a tracker. -Dr Clinton
Name: Agent Acal
Date: 30/4/17
Total Items: Five (5) bottles of Johnnie Walker whiskey
Input: One (1) bottle of whiskey
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) bottle of Lagavulin Scotch
Input: One (1) bottle of whiskey
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) bottle of vodka
Input: One (1) bottle of whiskey
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) bottle of Balvenie 40-year-old whiskey
Input: One (1) bottle of whiskey
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) unmarked 500ml glass bottle, filled with a clear, purple-flecked liquid. Liquid tastes like high-class bourbon and has an alcohol content of 55%. Subjects who ingest liquid report extreme euphoria.
Input: One (1) bottle of whiskey
Setting: Coarse
Output: A pile of glass shards and a puddle of water and malt.
Input: One (1) bottle of vodka, from a previous test
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Five (5) miniature bottles of Kors Vodka.
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 20/3/2017
Total Items: Three (3) unsolved Sudoku puzzles and three (3) unsolved crossword puzzles.
Input: An unsolved Sudoku puzzle
Setting: 1:1
Output: An unsolved Sudoku puzzle. The numbers have been changed around; it no longer resembles the original puzzle.
Input: An unsolved Sudoku puzzle.
Setting: Fine
Output: A solved Sudoku puzzle, complete with margin notes and scribbling.
Input: An unsolved Sudoku puzzle.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A massive grid comprised of many smaller squares, resembling an enlarged Sudoku puzzle. The grid contains several characters not normally found in a standard 9x9 Sudoku square, including several Greek letters, various unidentified pictographs, arrows, and kanji.
Note: This result has been photocopied and enlarged if anybody wants to take a crack at it.
Input: An unsolved crossword puzzle
Setting: 1:1
Output: An unsolved word search.
Input: An unsolved crossword puzzle
Setting: Fine
Output: A brief typed letter requesting the meanings of various short phrases, which are identical to the "clues" given in the crossword.
Input: An unsolved crossword puzzle
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A crumpled-up piece of paper, launched at high velocity and trailing smoke.
Note: Yeah, I never really liked those things, either.
Name: Dr. Greer
Date: 02/02/2017
Total Items: Three (3) unopened spray cans of Fox Labs 'White Lighting' brand pepper spray.
Input: 1 spray can
Setting: Rough
Output: Several piles of metal and plastic scraps, several puddles of various chemicals, and a small puddle of oleoresin capsicum.
Input: 1 spray can
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) unopened spray can of Fox Labs 'Mean Green' brand pepper spray.
Input: 1 spray can
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) miniature chili pepper. Chemical testing revealed a Scoville heat rating of over 300 000 000, making it by far the hottest chili in the world.
Name: Dr. Kleptrov
Date: 3/1/17
Total Items: Twenty (20) M67 grenades
Input: One (1) M67 grenade
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) M308 grenade launcher, unloaded.
Input: One (1) M67 grenade
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) blue M67 grenade. When thrown, freezes everything in its normal explosion radius.
Input: One (1) M67 grenade
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) M67 grenade. Item had a significant increase in explosive radius.
Input: One (1) M67 grenade
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) M67 grenade with the look of a normal grenade. Upon explosion, grenade created multiple identical explosions in sequence for fifteen minutes.
Input: One (1) M67 grenade
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) handmade Molotov cocktail of modern design.
Input: One (1) M67 grenade
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) purple M67 grenade. Upon detonation, a series of high-voltage electrical discharges were emitted from the point of detonation.
Input: One (1) M67 grenade
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) grenade of unknown design, with an unknown detonation mechanism.
Input: One (1) M67 grenade
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) M67 grenade of standard design. Upon removal of the pin and release of the spoon, grenade instantly detonated. Significant damage to site armoury.
Input: One (1) M67 grenade
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) M67 grenade. Upon detonation, all unsecured items in a three meter radius were pulled towards the site of detonation.
Input: Eleven (11) M67 grenade
Setting: Fine
Output: Eleven (11) ceramic pots, filled with an unidentified substance closely resembling historical descriptions of Greek fire.
Name: Dr. Ursini
Date: 3/20/17
Total Items: Three (3) 9mm magazines for a standard Glock 19.
Input: One (1) magazine as stated above.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) magazine for the UMP45, with the same amount of ammunition, causing the magazine to be somewhat empty.
Input: One (1) magazine as stated above.
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) magazine, seemingly identical to the input. Item has no effect when fired on inanimate objects. When fired at a human target, the target experiences traumatic memories of being shot and will fully believe that they have been shot, and will disregard others trying to tell them otherwise.
Note: Possible use for interrogation by the Foundation? -Dr. Ursini
Input: One (1) magazine as stated above.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: When fired, the bullets actively seek out a human target. However, the bullet still loses velocity as per normal, and the turning speed of the bullet can cause it to orbit around a human until it loses all kinetic energy.
Note: Testing further with that magazine denied. We can't risk it flying through the corridors and causing a containment breach. -Dr Ursini
Name: Dr. Armond & Agent McKnight
Date:██/██/2017
Total number of objects: Three (3) copies of The Lord of the Rings, by J.R.R Tolkien.
Input: One (1) copy of "The Lord of the Rings".
Setting: 1:1
Output: Three smaller books: one copy of "The Fellowship of the Ring", one copy of "The Two Towers", and one copy of "The Return of the King". It should be noted that these books make up the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy.
Input: One (1) copy of "The Lord of the Rings".
Setting: Fine
Output: A polished, gold-colored ring made of compressed paper. On the ring was the poem described in "The Lord of the Rings", inscribed in Black Speech. When worn, it was found that the ring fit all sizes and grew or shrank to accommodate the wearer. No other anomalous properties were exhibited.
Input: One (1) copy of "The Lord of the Rings".
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Book approximately one-third the page count of "The Lord of the Rings"; new book entitled "A New Shadow", plot centered around a boy called Eldarion. It should be noted that a book with the same title was scrapped by J.R.R Tolkien, and therefore, was never published.
Note from Agent McKnight: You can have the ring, Armond, but I want the book. I'm going to copy this thing. Any Tolkien fans want to read it?
Name: Dr. Sven
Date: 4/9/17
Total Items: Three (3) plastic Klein bottles.
Input: One (1) Klein bottle
Setting: Coarse
Output: Small plastic cubes of various sizes
Input: One (1) Klein bottle
Setting: 1:1
Output: Two (2) Mobius strips
Input: One (1) Klein bottle
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED] dimensional anomaly severely injured Dr. Sven when attempting to remove it. Item later imploded, leaving behind a pile of fine ground plastic.
Name: Dr. Geralds
Date: 5/11/201█
Total Items: Four (4) printed images of a swastika
Input: One (1) printed image of a swastika
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) black and white photograph of Adolf Hitler. Confirmed to be a copy of an existing photograph.
Input: One (1) printed image of a swastika
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) printed image of the lotus symbol, which is common in Hindu iconography.
Input: One (1) printed image of a swastika
Setting: Fine
Output: A portrait of Adolf Hitler, hand-painted in printer ink. Object does not seem to resemble any such portrait currently in circulation.
Input: One (1) printed image of a swastika
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) highly detailed image of the Hindu god Lakshmi.
Name: Dr. Geralds
Date: 5/11/201█
Total Items: One (1) silver ring originally belonging to D-23387, who described it as having been in her family "for generations", two (2) silver rings identical to the one owned by D-23387
Input: One (1) unmarked silver ring
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) silver pendant, of quality make.
Input: One (1) unmarked silver ring
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) silver bracelet. While wearing the bracelet, the subjects reports feeling an increase in confidence and physical attractiveness. No further anomalous properties exhibited. Object placed in containment for further study.
Input: One (1) unmarked silver ring, previously owned by D-23387
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) silver ring engraved with the phrase 'in loving memory of █████ █████'. █████ █████ is confirmed to be a deceased relative of D-23387. Object placed into containment.
Note: This, combined with the last test, seems to strongly suggest that SCP-914 acts on the 'meaning' humans apply to objects, rather than any self-aware view of them. This certainly explains some of the behavior of SCP-914, but I still feel like we're missing something. -Dr. Geralds
Name: Dr. ██████
Date: 10/11/████
Total Items: Three (3) 512GB thumb drives containing modern software for generation and multiplication of prime numbers, of the type used in cryptography.
Input: One (1) thumb drive, as described above
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) thumb drive, containing the first ███████ prime numbers.
Input: One (1) thumb drive, as described above
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) thumb drive containing software designed to solve a variety of different known codes and ciphers, as well as some that are currently undocumented.
Input: One (1) thumb drive, as described above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) thumb drive. Object appears to have an internal quantum computing system, and when given encoded data, will [REDACTED] compared to any modern system. Object placed into containment for further study.
Name: Researcher F████████
Date: 20/04/201█
Total Items: Three (3) non-magnetic 1-kilogram chunks of magnetite with an iron content of 50% by mass. Magnetite acquired from the [REDACTED] badlands.
Input: One (1) 1-kilogram chunk of magnetite, 50% iron content.
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) magnetized 1-kilogram cube of magnetite, with a magnetic field strong enough to cause compasses up to 10 meters away to point directly at it.
Input: Two (2) 1-kilogram chunks of magnetite, 50% iron content.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) 1-kilogram chunk of pure iron, and one (1) 1-kilogram chunk of minerals revealed to have the same chemical composition as rock found in the [REDACTED] badlands.
Name: Dr. Margeon
Date: 25/5/201█
Total Items: Five (5) plush bears.
Input: One (1) plush bear.
Setting: Rough
Output: A large mound of stuffing and torn-up fabric. Aforementioned fabric also had burns.
Input: One (1) plush bear.
Setting: Coarse
Output: One (1) ball of stuffing wrapped in fabric of bear.
Input: One (1) plush bear.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) plush dog.
Input: One (1) plush bear.
Setting: Fine
Output: Aforementioned bear is remade out of velvet, and is soft to the touch.
Input: One (1) plush bear.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) animated plush bear. Subject is harmless, and will "piggyback" on anyone that it is curious about. It then will proceed to show large amounts of affection to the carrier. Subject is currently being tested before clearing release to Dr. Margeon.
Name: Dr. Grunsberg
Date: 3/31/09
Total Items: Five (5) DVD copies of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix"
Input: One (1) DVD copy of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix"
Setting: Rough
Output: One (1) small pile of polycarbonate plastic in powder form alongside trace amounts of ink.
Input: One (1) DVD copy of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix"
Setting: Coarse
Output: One (1) blank DVD-RW circa year 2000
Input: One (1) DVD copy of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix"
Setting: 1:1
Output: Seven (7) celluloid film reels adding up to a full showing of 1999 film "The Matrix" plus trailers for films to release that same year
Input: One (1) DVD copy of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix"
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) damage-resistant DVD copy of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix"
Input: One (1) damage-resistant DVD copy of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix"
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) Blu-Ray drive readable copy of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix", exact disc format unknown. As well as possessing the high resistance of the first "Fine" output, the "Extras" section of this disc was found to contain twenty thousand times more material than present on the market product, of which SCP-914's version included (but was not limited to): all footage shot for behind-the-scenes featurettes; complete footage of every actor and actress auditions by film's directors, regardless of final employment; all raw unedited footage shot by main cameras for "The Matrix"; all 3D models and 2D assets used to create visual effects for "The Matrix"; every sound effect and musical cue in isolated audio files, including all unused material, with full Hollywood orchestration for concepts scrapped or forgotten by the film's composer, plus dozens of remixes for licensed tracks.
Note: 08/10/09 - After multiple tests to ensure minimal levels of danger, disc was included in carefully-constructed anonymous package designated for delivery to household of one L███ W████████. Due to last second discovery of sensitive production notes on disc that could jeopardize stability of film's parent production company, package was intercepted halfway to destination on 08/12/09.
Input: One (1) Blu-Ray drive readable copy of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix", exact disc format unknown
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) ████████-readable physical storage medium. Object initially unreadable. However, after eight months of development, a prototype for a new kind of storage reader (████████) was built by Foundation researchers. Upon successful reading, researchers found object to contain a bewildering array of data. Dr. ██████ estimated that 99.999926% of content is entire raw, non-anomalous █████ ███ █████ ██████ ██ ███ █████ ████ dating back to roughly 1877. The new unit of storage also features a 30-hour-long documentary series ("A History Tinted Green") which explores how "The Matrix" fits into this timeline. Various figures are interviewed in a featureless white room by what appears to be a young K█████ R█████. Of note is a joint interview of Samuel Clemens and Joseph Campbell.
Note 1: 04/01/10 - Dr. █████, a noted film enthusiast, entered a destructively excited emotional state upon learning of breadth of content, and, for project's protection, has been denied access to lab for study's duration. Requests for specific data from the object, however, are not to be rejected. No extraordinary data handling rules currently require enforcement, although this may change if Dr. █████'s interest becomes a dangerous obsession.
Note 2: 05/09/10 - This output is final. However, for the purposes of adding to the Foundation's storage capabilities, the object will spend further time in research to discern if recreation of new medium falls within safe limits.
Input: One (1) DVD copy of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix"
Setting: Coarse
Output: One (1) heavily-worn VHS home video of Japanese schoolchildren acting out 1999 motion picture "The Matrix" in backyard.
Note 1: 01/01/11 - One (1) child has been successfully identified, with the others in progress. Approximately nine (9) Foundation-tested anonymous packages are being designed, with fractal-remastered content to be included within.
Note 2: 03/31/11 - One (1) package air-mailed to address in Fukushima.
Name: Dr. Maguire
Date: 5/11/2017
Total Items: Three (3) 'Marshall' brand speaker systems.
Input: One (1) 'Marshall' brand speaker system.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) 'Sony' brand speaker system. Sound quality was identical between the two, despite the differing manufacturers and materials.
Input: One (1) 'Marshall' brand speaker system.
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) speaker system of unknown brand. When turned on and provided with music, sound produced was indistinguishable from the quality and timbre of a live performance by instrumentation.
Input: One (1) 'Marshall' brand speaker system.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) black sphere, assumed to be a single continuous speaker. When approached by D-9566, object scanned his head, emitted a sharp electronic beep, and began to emit sound at around 150 decibels. Mild structural damage was done to the test chamber, and all personnel within 500 m of the chamber sustained hearing damage of varying degrees, from temporary damage to permanent loss. Activation event was ended when Agent Kane opened fire on the object with his sidearm. While these shots missed the object, they did impact with D-9566, killing him and ceasing the event.
Note: I can't believe the last thing I ever heard was Barry Manilow. We couldn't have found a D-Class with better music taste? -Dr. Maguire
Name: Dr. T████
Date: 15/05/17
Total Items: 3 (Three) 50 pence coins. The first is a "Britannia" Issue coin minted in 1997 (one of the most common designs used), the second is a "Coat of Arms" Issue coin minted in 2012 (another very common design), and the third is a "Kew Gardens" Issue coin minted 2009 (one of the rarest coins in circulation, and highly sought after by collectors).
Input: 1 "Britannia" Issue 50p coin, dated 1997
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 "Britannia" Issue 50p coin, dated 2008. Output is notably less tarnished than input.
Input: 1 "Coat of Arms" 50p coin, dated 2012
Setting: Fine
Output: 6 coins, each of a different denomination of British Currency. All are in the post-2008 Coat of Arms style, although the date on each coin varies between 2008 and 2014.
Input: 1 "Kew Gardens" 50p coin, dated 2009
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 20p coin, with no date.
Note: In 2008, due to a mistake at the Royal Mint, a single batch of 20p coins were minted without a date. These "dateless" 20p coins are highly sought after by collectors, in a similar manner to the input coin.
Name: Agent Reed
Date: 21/05/2017
Total Items: (5) █████ brand recording microphones
Input: (1) microphone, as mentioned above
Setting: Rough
Output: A small pile containing coil, wire, and various metal sheets
Input: (1) microphone, as mentioned above
Setting: Coarse
Output: Same microphone as mentioned above, heavily worn and rusted.
Input: (1) microphone, as mentioned above
Setting: 1:1
Output: Different brand of microphone, slightly golden.
Input: (1) microphone, as mentioned above
Setting: Fine
Output: Vintage microphone, confirmed to be from the 1970's. Later confirmed to be identical to the microphone used at Elvis Presley's last concert.
Input: (1) microphone, as mentioned above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A highly reflective, blue microphone. Audio recorded on the microphone has no correlation to any nearby sounds. Audio is often completely random, containing popping, banging, ringing, etc. After prolonged exposure to these sounds, subjects report feeling nauseous and paranoid.
Note: This could be used as some sort of interrogation device, I'll keep it in the Site-██ armory, if anyone wants to use it.
Name: Dr. T████
Date: 11/25/17, 18/05/17, 25/05/17
Total Items: 3 £10 notes. 1 will be used for each test. Each test will occur at 12:00pm GMT.
Input: 1 (One) £10 note
Setting: 1:1
Output: HK$100
Note: Hong Kong was previously British territory prior to 1997. It is unknown whether SCP-914 chose HKD by chance or if it chose this currency due to Hong Kong's prior association with Great Britain, although the fact that it chose to use a note from the pre-handover era lends to the latter theory. Also of note is that HK$100 was, at the time of the test, almost equal in value to the £10 used as an input.
Input: 1 (One) £10 note
Setting: 1:1
Output: 2 £5 notes, both from the same year as the input.
Input: 1 (One) £10 note
Setting: 1:1
Output: €11.60
Note: This was, on the day of the test, almost equal to the value of the money used as an input.
Name: Dr. Amy Selec
Date: 25/05/17
Total Items: One (1) small heart-shaped plastic necklace, one (1) sixty-four (64) GB ████ brand USB drive
Input: One (1) small heart-shaped plastic necklace, one (1) sixty-four (64) GB ████ brand USB drive
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) small heart-shaped plastic necklace, which can be easily opened to reveal an empty 64-GB USB drive.
Input: One (1) small heart-shaped plastic necklace necklace with internal USB drive.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) small heart-shaped necklace containing an internal 512-GB USB drive. Upon wearing the necklace, the wearer is given full knowledge of all files contained on the USB drive. When removed the wearer loses any memory of the data on the USB drive.
"This will be useful." - Dr. Amy Selec
Name: Researcher Mason
Date: 26/5/2017
Total Items: 4 LEGO X-wing starfighter construction sets, unopened
Input: 1 LEGO X-wing starfighter construction set, unopened
Setting: Rough
Output: A heap of molten plastic, wood pulp, and various inks
Input: 1 LEGO X-wing starfighter construction set, unopened
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 LEGO TIE fighter construction set, unopened
Input: 1 LEGO X-wing starfighter construction set, unopened
Setting: Fine
Output: A fully assembled LEGO X-wing. Upon further examination, various mechanisms and devices were discovered inside the X-wing, such as electronically operated landing gear, wings, lights, and canopy.
Input: 1 LEGO X-wing star fighter construction set, unopened
Setting: Very Fine
Output: X-wing flew out of Output booth at 72 km/h and shot heated plasma at any personnel in its way, resulting in ██ casualties. Object broke out of Site-██ and left the atmosphere in 12 seconds. Current location is unknown.
Name: Dr. Geralds
Date: 03/06/201█
Total Items: Three (3) lithium-ion batteries, manufactured by A123Systems
Input: One (1) lithium-ion battery
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) lithium-ion battery, manufactured by the Chinese company Hunan Shanshan Toda Advanced Materials Co., Ltd.
Input: One (1) lithium-ion battery
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) object that resembles an unmarked lithium-ion battery. Closer inspection revealed that much of the internal mass of the battery had been converted into a radioactive isotope of █████████, deriving power from its nuclear decay, with a design very similar to that used in many spacecraft. Object placed into storage.
Input: One (1) lithium-ion battery
Setting: Very Fine
Output: When the output door opened, air rushed into the output chamber as if a vacuum had been present within. The object is a black cube with two electrical nodes on the top, fifteen (15) cm across, and weighing exactly the weight of the input battery plus the air in the chamber. The object is unmarked, with the exception of a small printing on one side, warning users that the object contained antimatter, and advising caution. Antimatter composition of object has not yet been confirmed, but has shown no limit to energy capacity. Object currently under testing.
Note: I think we should refrain from putting anything with a lot of potential energy into SCP-914 in the future. If the pressure wave from the air had damaged the output, all of Site-██ could have been destroyed. Not a pleasant thought. -Dr. Geralds
Name: Dr. Kobylka
Date: 06/05/2017
Total Items: One (1) Crayola brand crayon, standard red color, one (1) Crayola brand marker, standard red color
Input: One (1) Crayola brand crayon, standard red color
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) vibrant red crayon, no wrapping or any form of brand mark
Note: after testing the crayon, the crayon mark seems to radiate heat and light with a red hue. Further testing needed; crayon put in storage
Further testing proves crayon to be safe. The crayon will be placed in the lounge for whoever is feeling artsy and wishes to draw a picture during break
Input: One (1) Crayola brand Marker, standard red color
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) marker, no brand mark. Removing the cap reveals a bright red tip.
Note: The tip seems to stay bright despite the level of light in the room. Testing proves that, not unlike the crayon, marks made by said marker glow red and radiate heat. Further testing needed; marker put in storage. Further testing proves marker to be safe. The marker will be placed in the lounge as well.
Name: Dr. Margeon
Date: 7/██/2017
Total Items: Five (5) 32GB USB Flash Drive
Input: One (1) 32GB USB Flash Drive
Setting: Rough
Output: Scrap metal of various types.
Input: One (1) 32GB USB Flash Drive
Setting: Course
Output: Disassembled Flash Drive. Case was not present in the output.
Input: One (1) 32GB USB Flash Drive
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) 32GB SSD Hard Drive.
Note: I'm not 100% sure why SCP-914 gave me an SSD. Perhaps it's because both flash drives and SSDs lack moving parts.
Input: One (1) 32GB USB Flash Drive
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) 1TB USB Flash Drive.
Input: One (1) 32GB USB Flash Drive
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) Transparent USB Flash Drive with no apparent limit on storage. Said USB was plugged into Dr. Margeon's computer, and it was found to be able to store all his files on it. USB was also plugged into Dr. ███████'s computer with no files found.
Note: It seems that SCP-914 has created a flash drive with essentially different userspaces. My files were found again when I plugged it back into my computer. I'm going to send this to our drop server.
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 8/7/2017
Total Items: Three (3) comforters, fitted for twin-size beds.
Input: One (1) of the comforters
Setting: 1:1
Output: A quilt of similar make and size.
Input: One (1) of the comforters
Setting: Fine
Output: A hand-crafted blanket. The thread count is notably high and the surface has a sleek, silky feel, but the mass is unaltered.
Input: One (1) of the comforters
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A comforter that has shown moderately anomalous properties. Testing with a few voluntary subjects shows that wrapping them up in the blanket, such that it covers around 80% of their body, results in a sense of security and well-being. Subjects wrapped in it and laid on their back report drowsiness and lose consciousness exactly 300 seconds later. The subject remains unconscious until the blanket is removed, at which point they awaken, reporting a restful sleep. Additionally, during this rest period, minor injuries and afflictions disappear, including scrapes, bruises, and in one case, a nasty cold.
Note: Well, that's enough from me for tonight. Someone wake me at 8, will you?
Name: Dr. Collins
Date: 8/17/2017
Total Items: Five (5) New generic brand skateboard wheels w/ bearings
Input: One (1) wheel (green)
Setting: Rough
Output: A few chunks of unformed green rubber and plastic, as well as a small pile of steel dust.
Input: One (1) wheel (green)
Setting: Course
Output: Disassembled green skateboard wheel. Appears to have been used heavily and shows scuff marks and discoloration.
Input: One (1) wheel (green)
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) wheel (red) of identical make and quality.
Input: One (1) wheel (green)
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) unmarked black wheel of almost perfect quality. The outer rubber of the wheels greatly resists wear even with prolonged use, and the center bearing exhibits almost no friction, and was successfully left spinning in a vacuum sealed environment for just under ██ days.
Input: One (1) wheel (green)
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) bearing, suspended by an invisible outer wheel of unknown material. Although invisible, the outer wheel physically exists and appears to use higher-dimensional translations to redirect the force of gravity and propel the object forward at at about half the speed of free fall. The wheel can be easily stopped at low speeds, but gains momentum quickly while unhindered. Prospective researchers should note that under the influence of gravity the wheel will always retain a 1/4mg horizontal force, even while at rest.
Note 1: And they say you can't reinvent the wheel.
Note 2: Following the collision of a Class-D personnel with Dr. ████ at ██ mph, all human testing has been suspended until Dr. ████ can come up with a procedure that isn't idiotic.
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 8/19/2017
Total Items: Three (3) collections of children's toys made from magnets and ball bearings
Input: One (1) magnet and bearing set
Setting: 1:1
Output: A collection of interlocking plastic rods. The tips of each are magnetised.
Input: One (1) magnet and bearing set
Setting: Fine
Output: A series of magnetic rods and metal balls that appear to be self-replicating and self-assembling. Current structure is a pyramid roughly half a meter wide and tall. This structure shows no other anomalous properties and has been safely contained.
Input: One (1) magnet and bearing set
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A fine metal dust that exhibits similar properties to the "Fine" result, appearing to resolve itself into crystalline structure. It can be safely molded by hand, with the rough consistency of hot wax, and can be pulled apart without much effort. Class-D personnel who touched the substance barehanded reported a feeling of delight, and continued to play with it even as it encased their hands. Subjects were pulled away without injury and the substance has been contained.
Note: Well, it certainly seems like a fun little toy to play with, but I'm fairly certain this isn't safe by any metric.
Name: Dr. C. Ahearna
Date: ██/██/2017
Total Items: Three (3) Samsung Galaxy phones
Input: One (1) Samsung Galaxy phone.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) Apple iPhone.
Input: One (1) Samsung Galaxy phone.
Setting: Fine
Output: A cell phone of unknown make or model, still using the same Android Operating System as before. The device seemes to have the capability to use cellular data even while out of range of any cell towers. More testing is required.
Input: One (1) Samsung Galaxy phone.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A black, malleable circular disk with a single button on the back. Pressing the button causes a hologram to begin projecting from a small LED-like device on the front. The hologram functions as an operating system for the device, which like the output produced by the Fine setting never loses cellular service. More testing is required.
Note: I think we should reverse engineer the holographic phone produced by the Very Fine test, it could potentially be an amazing business opportunity if we can figure out how to reproduce it. - Dr. Ahearna
Name: Dr. Greer
Date: ██/██/2017
Total Items: Five (5) blank keycards, not loaded with cryptographical access codes. Intended to be used by technicians to test new card readers.
Input: One (1) aforementioned keycard
Setting: Rough
Output: A small pile of ground PVC plastic and approximately half a gram (0.5g) of magnetic composite material.
Input: One (1) aforementioned keycard
Setting: Coarse
Output: One (1) blank keycard, cut in half.
Input: One (1) aforementioned keycard
Setting:1:1
Output: One (1) SCP Foundation identification card. The card appeared to belong to "John Doe" and was filled out with similar generic information.
Input: One (1) aforementioned keycard
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) clearance level five keycard. The card was demagnetized and discarded.
Input: One (1) aforementioned keycard
Setting: Very fine
Output: One (1) keycard, belonging to a nonexistent company, "Arwachenzelli". Upon insertion into a keycard reader, it will cause an immediate short-circuit.
Name: Dr. Mason
Date:07/06/17
Input: Five (5) realtime location beacons, standard Foundation issue.
Note: The area above and around SCP-914 was set with receivers before this test. In this test, all directional notation is relative to the central "Intake" and "Output" booths, i.e., a subject standing at the mainspring is facing "North".
Input: One (1) tracking beacon
Setting: Rough
Output: Small amounts of various scrap metals and other composite materials of tracking beacons.
Path: Within the first 0.15 seconds, the signal was traced to move 3.41 meters "North" before turning exactly ninety one (91) degrees. Signal was lost after another 0.3 meters.
Input: One (1) tracking beacon
Setting: Coarse
Output: One (1) tracking beacon, with battery and transceiver unit removed. No other visible damage.
Path: While again initially traveling "North" for 3.41 meters, the tracking device remained functional for almost twice the amount of time as the first trial. This path appeared to follow the outer edges of the rectangular main body of SCP 914 before the signal was lost.
Note: I wonder if there are set paths that each setting follows. - Doctor Mason
Input: One (1) tracking beacon
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) unlabeled tracking beacon consistent with those used by Canadian counterterrorism groups.
Path: "North" for 3.41 meters. Signal then moves towards one of the "Southwestern" outer segments of SCP-914, where it repeatedly follows an equilateral triangle for 0.13 seconds before losing signal. Analysis of received signals shows a new signal retracing a path back to the booths.
Note: Seriously, though. What is that first bit Northward for? I've checked the recordings, it does that in every test. Every. Single. One. -Dr. Mason
Input: One (1) tracking beacon
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) apparent tracking beacon, components consistent with Foundation-specific requirements. Tracking beacon is smaller than standard, with certain unknown components. Testing revealed it to be fully operational, although signal was lost mid-test, as the output ran a different operating system.
Path: "North" for 3.63 meters. "South-southeast" for 0.7 meters. Accelerates in the opposite direction for four (4) meters before signal cutoff.
Note: So, I was talking to a colleague about my testing, and they said that the Fine output sounded familiar. Turns out the smaller beacon and the new OS are both prototypes right now. Guess we end up using them. - Dr. Mason
Input: One (1) tracking beacon
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) thin strip of translucent film, shown to be attachable with static cling. Discovered to be remarkable resilient for its size when D-1126 tore a fingernail pulling it off of the wall of the Output Booth. Currently unreadable.
Path: "North" for 3.41 meters. Subsequently appears to reach all parts of SCP-914, although high speeds prevented receivers from accurately tracking the path.
Note 1: Well, that was disappointing. At least I got a strip of fancy tape. Hopefully I'll be able to get something out of the prior results. -Dr. Mason
Note 2: So, turns out if you let that tape stick itself to your hand, you can draw the paths of whatever it recorded. You also draw a legend, and what appears to be a menu screen. I'm going to try to get this put onto a D-Class to preserve my wrists. - Dr. Mason
Note 3: Wow. So, not only did the new tracker record its own movements, it somehow recorded ALL of the movements. Of EVERYTHING that 914 has worked on over the last 3 months. I think I've finally gotten 914 to work with us, albeit with a lot of analysis involved. This is amazing. -Dr. Mason
Note 4: [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. I thought it would make sense for ONCE. But no, it had to be messing with us again. One of my interns - sorry, Junior Researchers - found out that, if you superimpose all the paths from the tracker, you get a 3D image of the Foundation logo. It's pretty for art drawn in GPS, but it still makes this whole project meaningless. Piece of [EXPLETIVE DELETED] doesn't follow set paths. It does whatever it wants. -Dr. Mason
Note 5: Dr. Mason has been placed on psychological leave due to apparent stress. Junior Researcher Chen has taken over. Analysis of the object paths taken will continue. -O5 Command
Name: MTF Lieutenant ████ ███████
Date: 10/11/17
Input: One (1) loaded Heckler and Koch MP7
Settinng: Coarse
Output: A small pile of bullets later identified as the standard 4.6mm cartridge for the MP7, as well as a pile of scorched metal, of what appears to be the interior workings of the weapon.
Input: One (1) loaded Heckler and Koch MP7
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) Schmeisser MP40, firing the same 4.6mm cartridge as the input weapon.
Note: 914 seems to recognize the German company that manufactured the weapon. Very funny. I'll put it in the armory if anyone feels like taking it to the range…I've always wanted to fire one of those things. -MTF Lieutenant ████ ███████
Input: One (1) loaded Heckler and Koch MP7
Setting: Fine
Output: One(1) Loaded Heckler and Koch MP7, testing shows the weapon seems to fire 7.62mm NATO cartridges, as well as not seeming to require any additional ammo. Stored in the armory.
Input: One (1) loaded Heckler and Koch MP7
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) Panzerfaust 3. Testing shows that once fired another missile will appear in it's place, the process taking between 2 and 5 seconds. As well as this, the missile emits mild amounts of radiation with a blast radius multiplied approximately twice. Testing at missile impact sites show radiation equivalent to the proposed Davy Crockett portable nuclear system. Currently stored for future testing.
Note: Don't even think about taking this thing into the field, Lieutenant. -Field Agent ███ ████
Name: Dr. Praetorious
Date:█/█/2017
Total Items: (5) promotional Audio Compact Discs, “Banana Pancakes” by Jack Johnson
Input: (1) Disc
Setting: Rough
Output: Shredded multi-colored reflective polycarbonate plastic coated with aluminum.
Input: (1) Disc
Setting: Coarse
Output: Pools of yellow and black ink (most likely from label), aluminum and polycarbonate plastic pellets.
Input: (1) Disc
Setting: 1:1
Output: (1) Audio compact disc, “Ain't No Reason” by Brett Dennen
Input: (1) Disc
Setting: Fine
Output: (1) Apparently unchanged compact disc. However when played for D-class personnel, they commented on the superior quality of the music and a lasting preference for Jack Johnson’s singing, requesting more of his works (measurement of the duration of musical preference in progress).
Input: (1) Disc
Setting: Very Fine
Output: (1) Apparently unchanged compact disc. However when played for D-class personnel, test subjects mentioned tasting maple syrup and bananas, additionally had a feeling of fullness afterwards. They declined offers of food for a period of 4 hours afterwards, and blood tests immediately after the experiment indicated the consumption of a high carbohydrate meal, even though no food had been consumed by the subjects for 6 hours previously. No other anomalous effects were reported.
Note:Interesting results. Let’s see what happens with a different CD.- Dr. ██████
Name: Dr. Praetoreous
Date:█/█/2017
Total Items: (5) Audio Compact Discs, “Toxic” by Britney Spears
Input: (1) Disc
Setting: Rough
Output: Shredded multi-colored reflective polycarbonate plastic, coated with aluminum.
Input: (1) Disc
Setting: Coarse
Output: Pools of black and red ink (most likely from label), aluminum and polycarbonate plastic pellets.
Input: (1) Disc
Setting: 1:1
Output: (1) Audio compact disc, “Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera
Input: (1) Disc
Setting: Fine
Output: (1) apparently unchanged compact disc. However when played for D-class personnel, they commented on the extreme skill of the singing. Subsequently stomach pains and nausea were reported. Anomalous effects continued for approximately 36 hours after the test.
Input: (1) Disc
Setting: Very Fine
Output: (1) apparently unchanged compact disc. However when played for D-class personnel, an immediate euphoric effect was noted, with certain individuals weeping with emotion and others falling over with apparent rictus smiles on their face. Soon after the effects were noted additional symptoms were exhibited, including seizures, jaundice, and vomiting. The experiment was immediately ended, however researcher A-1 ████ was injured by D-17645 while attempting to turn off the disc player, begging the researcher to allow him to continue listening to the music.
Security proceeded to restrain the remaining ambulatory D-class personnel long enough for ██████ to deactivate the player. Physical examinations and testing of the individuals exposed to the music revealed the presence of a previously unknown euphoric-inducing toxin in their bloodstreams. Chelation was performed, but one individual expired from a combination of kidney failure, liver failure, and cardiac necrosis.
Note: Let’s try and avoid any more CDs that might be interpreted as "dangerous". It might be a good idea to just get a Lawrence Welk single and see if people get drunk. - Dr. ██████
Name: Dr. P
Date: 10/██/2017
Total Items: 5 4 copies of the book "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix"
Input: One (1) Book
Setting: Rough
Output: Large pile of shredded and burnt paper
Input: One (1) Book
Setting: Coarse
Output: Book Cover, all pages of the book ripped out and scattered around the empty cover.
Input: One (1) Book
Setting: 1:1
Output: One copy of the book "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix", but in Spanish.
Input: One (1) Book
Setting: Very Fine (Note: input was supposed to be set to "Fine")
Output: One paper Phoenix, weighing 2.65 lb (same weight as a copy of the book). The Phoenix then attacked the remaining two copies of the book (the remaining English copy, and the Spanish copy from the previous test) and attempted to attack personnel. It was killed with only minor paper cuts to Dr. P
Note: I want to know who set that to Very Fine!-Dr. P
Name: Dr. Dextrainia
Date: 11/██/17
Total Items: one (1) Remington 870 shotgun (no bullets chambered), fifteen (15) 9mm bullets, and one (1) Beretta M9 handgun.
Input: One (1) Remington 870 shotgun
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) Mossberg pump shotgun. When fired, acted normal for a mossberg and was discarded to the armory locker after testing and no other anomalies were found to be present.
Input: Fifteen (15) nine (9) millimeter bullets
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Nine (9) millimeter bullets that when fired from a Beretta M9 handgun home to the nearest signs of life. In the event of testing, a security guard was hit and killed. The cause of death was not from a wound, but from cardiac arrest. The bullets were discarded.
Note: I'm not sure if the bullets should be used as actual ammunition as they pose a huge threat to other personnel. I'm going to miss that fucker. I'm requesting that testing of bullets on very fine is prohibited. -Dr. Dextrainia
Extra Note: Granted. -O5-7
Name: Dr. Simonson
Date: ██/██/2017
Total Items: Three (3) jars of crude oil
Input: One (1) jar of crude oil.
Setting: Rough
Output: One (1) jar of solid asphalt.
Note: The jar was unharmed, strangely.
Input: One (1) jar of crude oil.
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) jar of gasoline.
Input: One (1) jar of crude oil.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) jar of LPG. Aforementioned gas quickly escaped after opening the “output” door.
Note: I probably should’ve sealed it.
Name: Dr. Reece
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 5x generic gum balls, assorted colors, commonly found in grocery store $.25 candy dispensers.
Input: 1x purple gum ball
Setting: Rough
Output: Melted puddle of gum, separate puddle of purple food coloring.
Input: 1x red gum ball
Setting: Course
Output: Separate piles of dextrose, corn syrup, gum base, corn starch, and red food dyes.
Input: 1 green gum ball
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 ball of what initially appeared to be gum, matching green color. Object ended up being an everlasting gobstopper.
Input: 1 blue gum ball
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 blue gum ball. Outer shell was a much glossier blue than input gum ball. When chewed, subject reported that the flavor was that of farm ripened blueberries.
Input: 1 yellow gum ball
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 shiny yellow gum ball. Gum appears to glow faintly in low light. Testing indicates no source for this glow. When chewed, subject reported feelings of euphoria. Subject indicated that the gum reminded them of their favorite childhood meal, but couldn't elaborate as to what the flavor actually was. Flavor apparently does not fade away as with normal chewing gum.
Notes from Dr. Reece: The everlasting flavor seems to be further indication that this thing modifies objects based on our perception of them. Everyone wishes gum would keep its flavor for more than a few minutes.
Name: Dr. Simonson
Date: 23/11/17
Total items: Four (4) blocks of oak wood.
Input: One (1) block of wood.
Setting: Rough
Output: An oak acorn. Subject showed no anomalous properties other than being significantly heavier than a normal acorn. Subject is to be planted and observed.
Input: One (1) block of oak wood.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A wooden stick. Subject was identified to be made of fir wood.
Input: One (1) block of oak wood.
Setting: Fine
Output: [REDACTED] intricately carved onto a panel of rich mahogany.
Input: One (1) block of oak wood.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A block of wood appearing identical to the input item. When removed from the output booth, subject floated to the ceiling of the room. Subject did not fall down, even when placed in a perfect vacuum. Further testing has shown that subject is completely unaffected by gravity. Attempts to cut or break it have been unsuccessful.
Name: Dr. Simonson
Date: 23/11/17
Total items: Three (3) ordinary keys from the lost-and-found room.
Input: One (1) key
Setting: Coarse
Output: A drill bit. Subject was made of brass, as was the input item.
Input: One (1) key
Setting: 1:1
Output: A padlock. Subject can be opened by a replica of the input key.
Input: One (1) key
Setting: Very fine
Output: A perfect copy of SCP-005, including its anomalous properties. Subject is now contained at Site-██.
Name: Dr. Ashwood
Date: 05/12/17
Total items: Three (3) wool blankets
Input: One (1) wool blanket
Setting: Coarse
Output: A pile of unrefined wool.
Input: One (1) wool blanket
Setting: 1:1
Output: A cotton blanket of identical mass and thickness.
Input: One (1) wool blanket
Setting: Very fine
Output: An extremely light-absorbent blanket made out of an unidentified material. When given to D-class personnel, feeling was described as "extremely comfortable."
Notes from Dr. Ashwood: I'm going to be taking this one home for some extra… research. Yeah.
Extra note: Rumours have circulated around the building that Dr. Ashwood was seen cuddling with her blanket several hours after testing in the mess hall. Reminder that it is very unprofessional to spread rumours about other personnel.
Name: Dr. Westrin
Date: ██/12/2017
Total Items: One piece of paper referencing [DATA EXPUNGED]
Input: One piece of paper referencing [DATA EXPUNGED]
Setting: Fine
Output:
Name: Researcher █████████
Date: 12/17/17
Total Items: One 10 kg ingot of copper, one 10 kg ingot of tin, one 500 g block of wood, one 100 g spool of cloth, one 50 g nugget of copper, one 50 g nugget of tin, 2.5 g of wood, a 0.5 g patch of cloth, and two photographs of SCP-914.
Input: One 10 kg ingot of copper, one 10 kg ingot of tin, one 500 g block of wood, one 100 g spool of cloth, one photograph of SCP-914
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One miniature model of SCP-914 weighing the same as all input materials, including the photograph. The model possesses all features of the original, including complex miniaturized clockwork, intake booths and a miniature setting knob and mainspring key.
The miniature model was tested to determine if it functioned similarly to SCP-914.
Input: One 50 g nugget of copper, one 50 g nugget of tin, 2.5 g of wood, a 0.5 g patch of cloth, one photograph of SCP-914
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One even smaller model of SCP-914 weighing the same as all input materials, including the photograph. The model possesses all features of the original, including complex miniaturized clockwork, intake booths and a miniature setting knob and mainspring key.
It's SCP-914 all the way down. -Researcher █████████
Name: Dr. Catts
Date: 1-1-17
Total Items: One (1) brand-less pen
Input: One (1) brand-less pen
Setting: Coarse
Output: The pen’s casing, ink tube, nib, lid, and cap perfectly seperated, with no damage done at all.
Notes from Dr. Catts: We could use this for more complex things, including things that have exited the machine that we need to know more about.
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 1-2-17
Total Items: One (1) roll of yarn and one (1) porcelain teapot, full
Input: The above items
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) teapot, still porcelain, of the same make as the input; however, it was filled with a viscous, multi-colored fluid. Additionally, the yarn was replaced with a length of brown string, that has a vaguely earthy scent to it. Further testing shows the teapot's contents to be chemically similar to organic fibers, particularly those found on the coats of several subspecies of sheep, while the string appears to be made from the remains of a plant of the family theaceae.
Note: How did it even do that? - Dr. Hadian
Name: Dr. Obs
Date: 06/01/18
Total Items: Two (2) Tardis Flight Control Toys. (10th & 11th)
Input: One (1) Tardis Flight Control Toy. (10th)
Setting: Very Fine
Output: The Tardis Flight Control Toy changed "Era" Going from 10th to 5th, Though a toy of this Era never existed.
Input: One (1) Tardis Flight Control Toy. (11th)
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Same as Previous item.
Note: The cheeky bugger is saying 5th is better! - Dr. Obs
Name: Mr. Mellows (Linguistics)
Date: 20/01/2018
Total items: Fifty (50) English-Russian Dictionaries
Note from Mellows: Let's see if we can luck into some known to unknown languages. All Fifty test will be done on the 1:1 setting.
Input: one (1) English-Russian Dictionary
Setting: 1:1
Output: one (1) Swahili-Mongolian Dictionary.
Note from Mellows: Yes! We're on the right track.
Tests 2-35 omitted
Input: one (1) English-Russian Dictionary
Setting: 1:1
Output: one (1) Mayan hieroglyphs-Egyptian hieroglyphs Dictionary.
Note from Mellows: I got excited there for a moment. Might need to look up the Rosetta stone.
Tests 37-42 omitted
Input: one (1) English-Russian Dictionary
Setting: 1:1
Output: one (1) Klingon-Arabic Dictionary.
Note from Mellows: Finally an alien language!.
Note from Assistant Researcher: No, that's from a TV show.
Note from Mellows: …Damn.
Input: one (1) English-Russian Dictionary
Setting: Fine
Output: one (1) Book listing Human foodstuff dishes for many occasions with (presumed) alien foodstuff dishes for those same occasions with images of normal human & (presumed) alien foodstuffs. The human dishes are in described in French, the alien dishes are described in an unknown language using the International Phonetic Alphabet.
Note from Mellows: Who set this thing to Fine?! …Well, at least we now know how to cater to the aliens, and what their food is called.
Tests 45-49 omitted
Input: one (1) English-Russian Dictionary
Setting: 1:1
Output: one (1) Braille English-Pictogram Dictionary.
Note from Mellows: We got a limited understanding of alien food and not much else. I'll need to rethink my strategy here.
Name: Dr. Blue
Date: 20/01/2018
Total items: Five (5) pairs of titanium scissors
Input: one (1) pair of titanium scissors
Setting: Rough
Output: A heap of titanium metal and plastic.
Input: one (1) pair of titanium scissors
Setting: Coarse
Output: A pair of badly damaged scissors.
Input: one (1) pair of titanium scissors
Setting: 1:1
Output: A large titanium letter opener.
Input: one (1) pair of titanium scissors
Setting: Fine
Output: one (1) pair of titanium scissors. Subsequent testing showed that structural durability of said scissors had increased by roughly 35%.
Input: one (1) pair of titanium scissors
Setting: Very Fine
Output: one (1) pair of scissors constructed from an unknown white luminescent metal. Closing scissor blades causes a flash of white light. Subsequent testing revealed that these scissors were able to cut through solid steel.
Note: I'm keeping these. - Dr. Blue
Name: Dr. Sato
Date: 21/01/2018
Total items: One copy of ●●|●●●●●|●●|●’s report
Input: One copy of ●●|●●●●●|●●|●’s report
Setting: 1:1
Output: Nothing
Note: Dr. Sato believes that rather than there having not been any output, but rather ●●|●●●●●|●●|● managed to retrieve it before any results could be examined.
Name: Dr. Ochre
Date: 01-25-2018
Input: One junction field effect transistor
Setting: 1:1
Output: One miniature model of Jango Fett.
Not a bad pun. -Dr. Ochre
Name: MTF Lieutenant █████████ █████
Date: 2-1-2018
Total items: 3 (three) KRISS Vector's (9x19mm variant), unloaded
Input: 1 KRISS Vector
Setting: Coarse
Output: One UMP45, chambered in 9x19mm.
Note: The thing has a sense of humor, great. The output is now stored in the site armory.
Input: 1 KRISS Vector
Setting: 1:1
Output: One KRISS Vector, chambered in 10mm auto
Input: 1 KRISS Vector
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 KRISS Vector, chambered in 7.62 NATO
Note: Oh sweet jesus this thing is going to be a monster, output is stored in the site armory -MTF Lieutenant █████████ █████
Notice: Due to several personnel receiving shoulder dislocations MTF Lieutenant █████████ █████ has been reprimanded and barred from further tests with SCP-914
-—
Name: Dr. J P█████
Date: 07-02-2018
Total Items: Five (5) IMI Desert Eagles chambered in .50AE, unloaded.
Input: One (1) IMI Desert Eagle .50AE
Setting: Rough
Output: Approx. 4.4 lb of metal chunks. Consists with the weight of one such Desert Eagle.
Input: One (1) IMI Desert Eagle .50AE
Setting: Coarse
Output: One (1) fully disassembled Desert Eagle, each component sorted based on size.
Input: One (1) IMI Desert Eagle .50AE
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) IWI Jericho 941.
Note: The Jericho is a pistol also designed and manufactured by IMI with cosmetic similarities to the Desert Eagle.
Input: One (1) IMI Desert Eagle .50AE
Setting: Fine
Output: A small cannon, weighing 4.4 lb. The back is capable of being opened up to load one .50AE round. A small trigger is located on the top of the cannon.
Note: This brings a whole new meaning to a hand-cannon. Will place output in the site armory.
Input: One (1) IMI Desert Eagle .50AE
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small clockwork bird, appearance similar to that of a bald eagle. It appears to behave similar to an actual bald eagle, except far more docile.
Note: I don't know what I was expecting, but a clockwork bird was not even a possibility I thought of. On occasion, the bird seems to make varying pitch clicking in some form of melodic pattern. -Dr. J P█████
Update: It dawned on me that the pattern of notes it plays is to that of the American national anthem, "Star-Spangled Banner." I'm keeping it and naming it Kennedy. -Dr. J P█████
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 2-17-2018
Total Items: One (1) printed copy of a Javascript program (created by Dr. Hadian for recreational purposes).
Input: The aforementioned manuscript
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A series of origami cranes that took off as soon as the chamber was open, flying in irregular patterns. Most of the cranes collided with the doorway and fell straight to the ground, exhibiting no further anomalous properties.
Note: The program input was an application similar to the app "Flappy Bird".
That was interesting. I'll have to see about something a little more complex. -Dr. Hadian
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 2-17-2018
Total Items: One (1) printed copy of a Javascript program (meant to be a "chat bot")
Input: The aforementioned manuscript
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small paper-mache head that spoke in a choppy, occasionally non-sequitur fashion. In spite of its ability to communicate, the head appears to lack true sentience, instead repeating back phrases taught to it and a few other basic English sentences.
Note: About what I expected. I could be mistaken, but it would appear that even though SCP 914 is a mechanical device, machine code is still somehow understood by it. This would make sense, with the interpretation that it functions based on the "meaning" of objects, and given the explicit functionality of most programming languages, we might be able to achieve more stable results this way. -Dr. Hadian
Name: Researcher Mikk
Date: 2-21-2018
Total Items: One (1) printed copy of a Javascript program (self-learning chat bot), 5 kilograms of tin with 5% silver, 10 grams of copper, 500 grams of plastic
Note: This is a continuation of the tests of Dr. Hadian. - Researcher Mikk
Input: One (1) printed copy of a Javascript program (self-learning chat bot), 5 kilograms of stainless steel, 10 grams of copper, 500 grams of plastic
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Same as the last time, but made of stainless steel. The voice was similar to the chatbot "Evie." When connected to a computer using an USB cable, it will start speaking to you similarly to the chatbot "Cleverbot." Further test logs awaiting O5 approval.
Note: The head is supposedly "sentient," according to the people who first talked to it, which could be wrong, because the program code was simple and when used in a normal computer, is not sentient.
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 2-22-2018
Total Items: One (1) manuscript of a simple Javascript program, one (1) fluorescent light bulb.
Note: The code in question was a program devised to have the bulb turn on if it was being held right-side up. This test is to see if SCP 914 will comply in fabricating such an object.
Input: The aforementioned materials
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A luminescent mass, opaque, with a smoky white color. The object could be moved without difficulty, but it would not rotate in any fashion except in a way that kept it perpendicular to the floor. In all attempts to defy this property, it has proven immobile, causing the tester's hand to slip, defying gravity, and in one case, shattering the shaft of a power tool rigged to turn it over.
We'll chalk that one up as "inconclusive". Certainly an interesting paperweight, though. -Dr. Hadian
Name: Dr. Sato
Date: 2/24/17
Total Items: One (1) unloaded electric airsoft M16 Rifle
Input: 1 unloaded electric airsoft M16 Rifle
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) Pull-action crossbow with a hollow stock, three (3) carbon fiber bolts with an electronic device serving as a bolt head.
Notes: The mass of the bolts was equal to that of the original gun’s stock, which appeared to be made of carbon fiber. Researcher suspects that the device serves as a tracker but has no means of confirming it without potentially compromising the product.
Input: One (1) of said carbon fiber bolts
Setting: Fine
Output: A single construction bolt with some sort of mechanism on it.
Notes: Experimentation has revealed that the bolt is self screwing, using what is likely a small motor. The self screwing takes effect after light manual labor is applied.
Name: Dr. Hertz
Date: ██/█/20██
Total Items: Four (4) assorted recordable compact-discs (CD-Rs) containing music samples
Input: One CD-R, containing a recording of Creedence Clearwater Revival's Fortunate Son (1969)
Setting: Rough
Output: One CD-R, containing a recording of Fortunate Son, later identified as being covered by The Shaggs, a 1960's rock band known for terrible performances. Notably, The Shaggs were not known to have ever performed this song.
Input: One CD-R, containing a recording of Neil Diamond's I'm a Believer (1967).
Setting: 1:1
Output: One CD-R, containing a recording of The Monkees' I'm a Believer (1967).
Input: One CD-R, containing a recording of the █████████ High School (located in ██████, ██) Class of ████ student orchestra performing Pachelbel's Canon in D.
Setting: Fine
Output: One CD-R, containing a professional orchestral rendition of Pachelbel's Canon in D. The performers were later identified as the Vienna Radio Symphony Orchestra.
Note: Dr. Hertz was noted to appear giddy and excited upon discovery of this result.
Input: One copy of Aeolian Memories, a self-published album of 21 songs composed, written, performed on guitar, and sung by Dr. Hertz in his spare time while moonlighting as a musical artist.
Setting: Very fine
Output: One CD-R. Upon further inspection, the music had been replaced with five tracks of complete silence, followed by the first chapters of the audiobooks Learn to Sing 101 by Karen Surmani, Teach Yourself to Play Guitar by David Brewster, and Songwriting for Dummies by Dave Austin, et al.
Note: At this point, Dr. Hertz was restrained and firmly escorted out of Research Cell 109-B for attempting to damage SCP-914 and yelling about "the [EXPLETIVE] what thinks it's being [EXPLETIVE]ing funny!" He has been temporarily suspended from the SCP-914 research program for unprofessional behavior.
Name: Dr. Rook, Technician █████
Date: 03-10-2018
Total items: One (1) manuscript of a Javascript program (self-learning chatbot), one (1) manuscript of a Javascript program (Convolutional Neural Network model), one (1) mechanical pocket watch, one (1) photo of a bird (Pica sericea).
Note: The previous tests done with mechanical parts and code sections by Dr. Hadian and Researcher Mikk intrigued me. –Dr. Rook
Input: One (1) manuscript of a Javascript program (self-learning chatbot), one (1) manuscript of a Javascript program (Convolutional Neural Network model), one (1) mechanical aluminum & silver pocket watch, one (1) USB, one (1) photo of a bird (Pica sericea).
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A mechanical bird roughly the size of a large pocket watch. Resembled a Korean Magpie in shape. The bird seemed to be made with a mix of clockwork and realistic metal plumage. By some unknown mechanism, it could hover for brief periods (roughly 45 seconds) in the air, though its base material- aluminum and silver- should’ve prohibited it from doing so. It could not speak in this form, though it displayed considerable intelligence and responded to people speaking to it. When connected to a computer via USB cable, the bird was able to speak through the computer’s speakers. It was capable of speech comparable to an eight-year-old child’s, though speech patterns significantly improved after several conversations. It acted remarkably similarly to a live magpie. Other than the mechanical bird, three (3) folded sheets of blank paper were found in the output chamber. Close analysis revealed that they had no anomalous properties. Placed in item storage.
Note: I’m keeping the bird for some more research into how 914 could be used to create automated objects. One of the first tests recorded included a clockwork bird, so that’s where this came from. Dr. Hadrian was right! Think of the possibilities! –Dr. Rook.
Note: No matter how much Dr. Rook's 'Robbie' resembles a young child during communication, the result of this test has not yet been verified to be fully sentient.
Name: Dr. Joe
Date: 03/13/18
Total Items: Three (3) White Paper origami swans weighing 29g each.
Input: One (1) Paper swan
Setting: Rough
Output: One (1) Crumpled piece of white paper weighing 29g
Input: One(1) Paper Swan
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) Paper "fortune teller" popular with young schoolchildren with no writing on it weighing 29g.
Input: One (1) Paper Swan
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) paper model of Cygnus buccinator (trumpeter swan) the size and mass of the original Origami swan. However this model is entirely anatomically correct to Cygnus buccinator in every way, with some organ systems being made of seemingly impossibly thin layers of paper. The model displays no anomalous properties.
Note: Interesting. 914 created a model of my personal favorite species of swan from the original paper one. Sentience or coincidence? I need to do more tests, but first make sure that model is saved in Fragile Non-Anomalous Item Storage, it could be useful at a later date. -Dr. Joe
Name: Dr. O’Bryan
Date: 03/25/18
Total Items: Three (3) different pieces of communication on paper medium.
Input: One (1) typed thesis, titled “An Experimental Study on the Stress Limits of Metals in Corrosive Liquids”, as submitted by D-914-29.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) typed thesis, titled “A Complete Experimental Study on the Stress Limits of Metals in Various Environments”. A review of the output by the subject and subsequently studied by appropriate personnel revealed no anomalous properties. The output contains research on several experiments not included in the original input, with suggestions on how to vastly improve the strength of metals in a wide variety of situations. A review of the output is being conducted by the Facilities and Engineering Department to test to see if these findings can improve security within the Foundation.
Input: One (1) page of sheet music from “Ellen’s Third Song” by Schubert, as submitted by D-914-86.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Tiny (5cm x 5cm x 2cm) origami music box. Upon opening the box, a clear melody identified as the song “Ellen’s Third Song” could be heard by all researchers in the area facility, including those who should be well out of range of being able to hear. Subject D-914-86 began singing along with the music, despite not showing any previous indication of knowing either Latin or taking singing lessons. After the conclusion of the piece, subsequent experiments confirmed that she could not sing.
Input: One (1) copy of “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie, as submitted by D-914-77.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) slightly warmer copy of “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. D-914-77 was sent back to their cell and monitored, showing no anomalous behavior after a week of review.
Note: D-914-77, and two guards have been reported as missing. Security footage shows the guards opening several doors and escorting D-914-77 off the premises, and driving them to a nearby restaurant. When a security team was sent there to retrieve the subject, a conflict began between the patrons of the restaurant and the security team, with the patrons refusing to allow the security team close to D-914-77. An order was given with O4 clearance to destroy the location, as a possible memetic anomaly may have occurred. Although the remains of D-914-77 have not been positively identified, security footage suggests that no one escaped the building prior to its demolition. Local media have been alerted to the fact that the destruction was caused by a broken gas main in the restaurant's kitchen.
Note: A full memetic screening will be made whenever media provided by SCP-914 is consumed. Please refer to Incident Report 914-IR6187 for further details.
Name: Dr. Manheim
Date: 03/25/18
Total Items: One (1) USB drive with a text file containing the source code of Creeper.
Note: Creeper was one of the first computer viruses ever made, and the systems it operated on are now 100% obsolete. Organic materials have been intentionally omitted from this test, in case SCP-914 decides to translate that into an actual biological virus. A hazardous materials team was on standby to make sure nothing that came out of 914 presented a threat to the facility or its occupants.
Input: Creeper source code on USB drive.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A metallic figure, green in color and vaguely phallic. The object self-destructed upon being removed from SCP-914, in a manner comparable to a commercial firework. The remains have shown no anomalous properties.
Well, that was anticlimactic. -Dr. Manheim
Name: Doctor Q.
Date: 04/03/18
Total Items: One camera, broadcasting to a monitor.
Input: One (1) camera
Setting: 1:1
Output: 17 seconds after entering, video feed showed a series of gears before abruptly cutting off. Regained contact about 21 seconds before leaving the output door but from a different camera.
Name: Doctor Q.
Date: 04/03/18
Total Items: One (1) mirror.
Input: One (1) mirror
Setting: 1:1
Output: A similar mirror in a different shape.
That was disappointing, I'll try it on Fine. -Dr. Q.
Input: One (1) mirror
Setting: Fine
Output: One mirror reflecting 100% of light.
Input: Previous mirror
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED] Doctor Q. went blind for about 5 minutes. Object destroyed.
Input: One (1) blank sheet of paper.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Top half of SCP-571. Incinerated.